How to Ask For Anything You Want
Speaker 1: (00:00)
Hello, every body, Tami Green, master coach, master meditator. Have you really ever admired a person who always gets what they want? They have no problems asking for what they want and they always get it. Or have you ever known a person who just is relentless in asking you, maybe that sales rep that's awful and won't leave you alone. They just have too much forcefulness in asking you. I'm going to teach you today how to have that balance. Number one, the first point was asked for something that you want. You've got to get clear on that yourself. Number two is the DEAR MAN. Okay, DEAR MAN is an accurate acronym. D, E, A, R, M, A, N with the steps to use for how to ask for what you want. So let's go through them right now. D in DEAR MAN is describe. So when you're formulating your question and you're going to do this homework before you ever ask, your going to put the D down, and then you're going to describe and you're gonna, write out exactly what you want to ask for and you're going to be super clear on it.
Speaker 1: (01:10)
Super Clear. So when the person is listening to you, they know exactly what you're asking for. I'm here to ask for a raise. You want to be very, very clear. No wishy washiness on this. Describe your question. Number one, no beating around the bush. E in DEAR is express. I want you to express yourself, and as I'm talking to you, I may use gestures. I may change the inflection of our tone of my voice. I want you to feel really confident in expressing yourself right? And one of the things that keep us from expressing ourselves is we don't have confidence in our, in what we're asking for or skills, but you're going to be really good at that and have confidence in that. And another reason that we may not express ourselves is we worry that we're going to express ourselves too much, right? And so I don't you to worry about that right now.
Speaker 1: (02:11)
Don't worry about that cause you're going to go in there confident and calm and composed. You're not going to express yourself too much. Be expressive. The A in DEAR MAN is assert yourself, and this is where we fall down a little bit because we don't feel confident, but I want you to feel confident asking this time because you're prepared with your homework and you're using the very, very best practices on how to ask for what you want. So go in there confident you've done your homework, you're using the best practices, so assert your request. Be Matter of fact, you're going to balance it with not being too aggressive, but you're not going to worry if you're too aggressive at first, you're just practicing. And if you aren't used to asking, remember, you're going to probably feel a little bit more aggressive than you're used to.
Speaker 1: (03:02)
It's okay, you can't get it wrong. All right. D, E, A. R is reward and this is the game changer. I love this one. I love this one. What you're going to do is you weren't going to be for you ever asked the person you are going to think about what they would get from your request. We're all motivated to change something or to do something if there's a reward at the end of the tunnel. If you're about to have your wedding, you're more motivated to lose weight is a very common example, so I want you to think about what would reward that person for doing what you ask. Think about it. Now we're going to m, which is mindful and there's two ways we can get pulled off of our requests. Talking about, again, asking for what you want. Number one, the person can draw you off course and say something like, if it's like I'm a really hostile situation.
Speaker 1: (04:09)
Maybe with a partner where you've had a lot of conflict, they could say, oh, you always do this or really get you off course of what they're asking. I want you to stay mindful. If that person's trying to get you off course to exactly what you're asking for, it's that one thing you're asking for. The other thing is our own minds can get us off course. We could start doubting ourselves or thinking about past history, mindful. Stay on course asked for that one thing. Don't let the other person are you off course. Don't let your mind while you're off course. Okay. The A in man is another. A is appear confident and we talked a little bit about this stuff out. We talked a little bit about this before. I want you to appear confident. You've done your homework. You know the skills I want you to imagine yourself as confident beforehand.
Speaker 1: (05:06)
I want you to sit up straight. I want you to look them in the eye and I want you to be calm because you're in control now and you know what you're doing in the last thing in dear man, and then I'm going to teach you really quickly to end this out. How human behavior changes and how you can change people's behavior towards you. Kind of the science behind it in the last step in German is negotiate. What if the person says, no, I'm not going to do it. Then you have some tools in your arsenal to help you negotiate with them or turn it around. You can ask something like, well, there's. There's a little bit of a problem here because I need this from you and you aren't, or you're saying you don't want to do it. How would you solve this? If you were me or you could say, do you have any suggestions on how I might solve this?
Speaker 1: (06:01)
You're gonna. Turn it back around and get them to solve it for you. Or you can say, do you know anyone else that might make this happen for me to turn it around? That's part of the negotiation process and then we all know about negotiation and how it's kind of making it more of a win win and so if they're saying that reward that you're offering is not going to do for them. Say, how can we both get what we want here? Or what are your. What are your ideas on a compromise? What do you suggest? So you're going to turn it around with a question for them. Now, dear man, important. I hope you like that. Email us at team, at control the future.tech and get the show notes on this and I'll walk through all these steps with you and I'm going to include this little last bit that's super important for you to understand how you can change all the relationships in your life and I want you to start thinking about not accepting no, and how people can manipulate you without you knowing because we train people how to behave towards us and you've trained people not to listen to you, but now you're going to train them how to listen to you.